I haven’t done it in years. Different events trigger it, but in the end it is always the same. I’m lying on my bed with my fists clenched, yelling through my tears.
“Why? I don’t understand! Why me? Why does this have to happen? It’s not fair!”
I pound the bed with my fists. I kick at the blankets.
Sometimes it is just seems too much. It doesn’t make sense and I rail against the world that made it this way.
There is no consoling me at that point. I just need to be mad at the world.
Eventually I tire myself out, curl up in the fetal position and let my husband talk me back from the edge. In the end, regardless of the why, it’s about our children.
These are not the days I talk about when people ask how I am. They are not me at my best. What I’m learning, though, is that it’s good, even healthy, to get angry at the world. Life is not fair and every now and then it’s OK to kick and scream about it.
disabledfamilies 
I agree! I grew up with the illusion that life was fair. My son’s disability knocked that out of me pretty fast. Hope today is a good day!
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Posted by Louise at BLOOM | October 3, 2012, 8:56 amOne of the most moving moments of my life came when I saw you dancing with your son at the wedding. He was ecstatic and you were strength personified. The image will stay with me forever and forever inspire me. Thank you.
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Posted by jack Senett | October 3, 2012, 9:21 amOne of the most moving moments of my life came when I saw you dancing with your son at the wedding. He was ecstatic and you were strength personified. The image will stay with me forever and will forever inspire me. Thanks.
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Posted by jacksenett | October 3, 2012, 9:23 amThank you, Jack. Deane loves music and it is one of the best parts of being a parent to do something your child enjoys so much with him or her. Dancing with Deane is one of those incredible moments that make the harder times fade away.
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Posted by disabledfamilies | October 4, 2012, 2:12 pmLife is good. But it is not fair. Very true. Thank you for speaking the truth. J.
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Posted by jenmac11 | October 5, 2012, 9:55 amStarting at life is good is the best way to see it. Thanks
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Posted by disabledfamilies | October 5, 2012, 2:07 pm